Reading Ulysses in Montana #445

Nascent wheezes of nasal battles, bringing in the big guns, would have sunk the Bismarck, the torero of the seas, but congestion proved fatal so the honor passed to the Hood.

Crescent croissants beleaguered the little leaguers half a league onward toward the Battle of Hasty Pudding a little too hastily. Hastings for dessert, but only if you finish both pounds of your steak. Streaks of slaked shrikes belted out the national anthem of zebras, but they forgot half the words.

The wordless windlass took the lass by surprise, so she lashed the tarp tighter to the lighter bulkhead, sulkily slinking toward Bethlehem, PA–being no slouch–nor none that matters anyway.

Honored, I’m sure, the suit of armor hot dogs didn’t fare too well at the faire of wiener dog races–especially once the mustard and buns appeared. Surprised, I’m sure!

Reading Ulysses in Montana #156

A heat of purple flamingoes flamencoed their way across the dance floor du jour.

Assisted dying lights lit the dying embers of the amber pool of nightshades under the lampshades at night–in her nightie no less–nor no more–though as for that the passing there had worn them really to the bare nubbins–but that’s what they all came for. Camphor filled the antiseptic tent under the broad palms of forested hillsides taking the fusillade to the enemy whichever way that might have sounded right or wrong, right or left, left behind or misbegotten.

Miss Forgotten took her toys and went home where the boys were absent long enough for the wind in the windows to exhaust their fortunate wares unawares.

Miss Remembered remembered the way to the market and forged her own path all along the Mohawk–but the beauty parlor demurred.

Reading Ulysses in Montana #205

After her encounter with the roguish clown, Doris was both shaken and stirred.

Reckoning the fruits had it coming, the sizzle slathered all over the baton, but all that slathering was in vain, for Doris flipped the script each time the deacon turned on a dime upon the thirty-seventh step. Descending fifths could not account for the music in the spheres–or spears to hear Doris tell it all day long. Gambits succeeded four-to-one in the quiet conversations on moonlight flights of fancy. Forgotten harmonies resonated with the pilgrims pilgrimaging to the pilfered pilaf, one formerly owned by Edith. Now Doris holds those rights and uses them with as much splendor as the French could mustard.

Doris said oh really? Is that your professional opinion?

Reading Ulysses in Montana #93

Darling went to the flea market, but the only fleas she found were buried in the knap of the mutt she tripped over on her way out.

The tea market was a different story entirely; the tea market had no fleas, even on the mutt Darling tripped over on her way out. The tea market did have plenty of tea, though. The sea market had neither fleas nor teas, but it had plenty of water. The only problem was they demanded you buy the whole sea–no partials allowed. Darling had already too many seas stowed in her closet, so she had to pass on the seas. She did, however, take the mutt she tripped over on her way out. The mutt had neither fleas nor teas nor seas, but it did have love for Darling.

On her way home, Darling stopped at the me market, but all she found was me, so she told me to meet her and her mutt at home in one hour. I skipped over the me market mutt on my way out, and told Darling all about it an hour later.

I also gifted her the full box of fleas I had gathered all the livelong day.

Reading Ulysses in Montana #320

Deflated mates littered the loitered sands of next door islands, surrounded by the lush lilt of tilted and tiled transcripts.

Ginger lifted a finger–not that one–and George entered the raffle for a basket of tawdry teapots. Would Ginger find it funny? Would George find it fitting? Falling away from the lighthearted silk ties that gag, Ginger said her sister Hyacinth would know what to do. George said his brother Anselm would also know what to do. They asked neither for they decided they would wing it all the way to the hills of Rightynow.

Beseeched and breached, the fort took down its ragged signs and put up congratulations for Ginger and George, beseeching and breaching broached topics of poached toast and peached eggs Ernie. Ginger said where is your transcript. George said it’s deflated. Ginger said check the littered sands. George said let’s look tomorrow, upheavals are best left to chance.

Ginger smiled and said only you would know!

Reading Ulysses in Montana #616

Disturbing sounds haunted the hunted hunters in their secret huts. Scented strands of salamanders slithered up the sequence of upright staircases.

St. Pancras secreted other secret huts with other nuts and hunted hunters. Under the thrilling victory of defeat, the gambit paid off the debt and three others besides. Beside the river the giver gave the flattered crumpet a fifth of barley rye directly in the center of the livid discourse, only two more horses for sale and then the baby shoes. A gather of trumpets forgave the four givers their gift horses in the mouth of the bay leaves, Marvin. Martians frittered away the strumpets along Suvla Bay, too many years after a hill of churches left the carnival of asteroids and other heavenly bodies.

Bringing down the fancy end of carnival knowledge, earned at the university of life, no one could tell any more how many more songs of innocence would silence laughter before you finally learn to breathe. Breathe!

Reading Ulysses in Montana #262

Earnestly the stippled candlestick stuck the stippled butter dish with an earnest corn cob pin stuck in the stippled end of the cob.

Fobs of withered steel gloated at the sundown of the moon across the distant horizon no one had yet forgotten. Soggy sloggers gave shoddy shodders a lift to the height of pleasure unseen since the third-to-last total eclipse of the International Space Station Zebra. Stripes stripped down to their birthday suits to celebrate the lost pudding of the land of the lost. Sigmund the fleamonster forgave and forsake at one blow those responsible below the Maginot Line. Tasting the wasting of the frommagio gleefully, Ginger said I’m still here; don’t pretend you have forgotten me in the land of the lost.

Ginger was a little too stippled by the corn cob pin stuck in her bonnet, but earnest candlesticks dreamed until their dreams came true.

Being with Georgette #12

canola

When I finished preparing dinner, Georgette had disappeared. She wasn’t in the house. She wasn’t in her garden.

She knew her fish was almost ready, so I had no idea why I finally found her in the middle of the canola field across the highway holding a beach ball.

***

At golden hour, the yellow canola blossoms glow with an ethereal radiance. I had told Georgette the night before that the effect was due to over-saturation of yellow sunlight on the blossoms. Many colorful things look magical when over-saturated.

Georgette had said, “It’s more magical if you don’t explain it.”

I did not say out loud that it’s even more magical when you understand it because you also understand how it connects to other magical things in the universe. I did not say it because she had already stopped listening to me before I could begin saying it.

That was last night. Now Georgette stands among the glowing yellow blossoms that climb to her waist. Georgette herself glows with an ethereal radiance, but not due to over-saturation. Her dark hair and dark green dress contrasts with the glowing yellow blossoms around her. Her ethereal radiance comes from within.

***

I crossed the highway and waved to Georgette from the edge of the field.

Georgette waved the beach ball over her head.

I shouted that her fish was getting cold, but she just waved the beach ball over her head again.

I stepped into the field. The canola stems and blossoms parted easily, but the leafy green plants on the ground grabbed at my feet.

When I was halfway to Georgette, I shouted again that her fish was getting cold.

Georgette turned her back to me and threw the ball as high as she could, letting it fall between us.

I approached the ball, picked it up, and took it to Georgette.

I said, “Your fish–“

“I heard you the first time,” Georgette snapped. She snatched the ball from my hands and ran away giggling.

I ran after her, and when I grabbed her arm, we fell to the ground in a clumsy embrace. What followed was even more clumsy, and perfectly silly, but suitable for the moment in a grown-up kind of way.

***

I said, “Your fish is probably frozen again by now.”

Georgette straightened her dress, still glowing with her ethereal radiance.

She said, “You’re the one who’s over-saturated.”

I said, “Why did you come out here when you knew dinner was almost ready.

She said, “All you think about is food.”

I said, “I think of other things too.”

“Not as much as you used to,” she said. “Even at sunset.”

***

The sun had set, but dusk falls slowly here in the weeks after the summer solstice.

As we crossed the highway to my front yard, I said, “Now what will we have for dinner?”

“You’ll think of something.”

Then Georgette stopped me and flung her arms around me. She whispered as though her life depended on it, “Go back and get the beach ball. I’ll make you an omelet.”

“Why do we need the ball?”

Georgette smiled and said, “Monica is pregnant.”

***

I took my time finding the beach ball.

When I finally returned to the house, Georgette said, “Your omelet is cold.”

She took the beach ball and cradled it like it was her first grandchild.

I said, “But it’s not over-saturated.”

“And it never will be, ” she said. Then she smiled at the beach ball and said, “And it’s even more magical because you also understand how it connects to other magical things in the universe.”

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<< Story #11 | Index of Stories| Story #13 >>

Originally published July 17, 2020

Reading Ulysses in Montana #242

None too many floundered on the way across the event horizon, wondering if lilies grow within the inner horizon if not the antiverse.

Trogs with clogs clogged the arterial roads all the way to the last fray of frogs in fog. Fog being none too many conditions beholden to the betrothed of Biltmore Bay, the cats flew hard against the piles of pillows being saved for the first night of the rest of their lives. The rest. The rest of their lives is silence full of the sounds thereof, forlorn, flabbergasted, fashizzled with special drizzles of licorice drops and star wish hops on Pop. The places we’ll go if we can figure out how to put it in gear or get a round tuit; although, we already have a drawer full of those, but we still never get around to it.

Floundering across the Schwarzschild radius is bad enough, but his wife complains he’s always late getting home for dinner.

Being with Georgette #11

The small trailer hitched to my truck bounced over the potholes in the grocery store parking lot.

“Careful,” Georgette barked. “That’s my stuff.”

“Why are we stopping here?” I asked. “We can come back after dropping off your stuff at your school.”

“Turn off the engine.”

I turned off the engine.

“I’m not going to school this year.”

“So why did I bring you up here?”

Georgette said, “I’m going away.”

A bird landed on the hood ornament of the truck.

“With someone?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

I honked the horn, and the bird flew away.

“Someone else?”

“Don’t say it like that.”

***

I unhitched the trailer and blocked its wheels.

Georgette stared straight ahead when I got back in the truck.

“When will he be here?”

She looked at me and said plainly, “You don’t have to wait.”

“I’m not leaving you alone in a parking lot with your trailer.”

Georgette said, “Please don’t make a scene.”

“I’m not making a scene.”

“I mean when he gets here.”

“I never make a scene.”

“I know.”

“But you always tell me to not make a scene.”

“I know.”

“I won’t make a scene.”

“I know.”

***

We ate burgers in the truck as the sun went down.

Georgette said, “Don’t tell my dad.”

“What will I say at Christmas?”

“He’ll know everything by then.”

“What about Thanksgiving.”

She said, “Don’t go home for Thanksgiving.”

“I have to go somewhere; they close campus.”

“You can come stay with me. With us.”

“He must be quite a guy.”

***

At eleven-thirty I said, “My dorm closes at midnight.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“I can call the floor advisor, but they won’t let you in.”

“Why would I need in?”

“He’s not coming.”

“He’ll come.”

***

At dawn, Georgette said, “Have you slept?”

“A little.”

“When does your dorm open again?”

“Seven.”

“I’ll sleep when you’re in class.”

“My classes don’t start until tomorrow.”

“Can you drive me back home today?”

“Why don’t you just go to school? Your classes start in two days.”

“I thought our schools started the same day.”

“No.”

“That explains it then.”

“That explains what?”

“He’ll pick me up today. We were a day early.”

***

By three in the afternoon, he had come and they had gone.

I didn’t make a scene.

I stopped by her college to see if they cared to know she wouldn’t be attending.

Outside the administration office was a table scattered with a few name tags of the freshmen who hadn’t yet arrived for orientation–and at least one who never would.

I took Georgette’s name tag and tore it in two.

A sweet voice said, “That’s mine.”

I turned around.

She was taller and darker than Georgette.

I said, “You don’t look like Georgette Jaynes.”

“I’m Georgette Gray.”

I put the two pieces of torn paper together. In a smaller font, centered under the large first name, was the last name “Gray”.

The name tag for Georgette Jaynes stared at me from the table with the same screaming silence Georgette had mastered long ago.

I handed Georgette the pieces of her name tag and tore the other one to bits, muting the silence.

“Were you waiting for someone?” she asked.

“I’ve learned not to wait. I just exist while others are deciding when to show up.”

She smiled and said, “Do you believe in happy coincidences?”

“No,” I said, unable to return her smile. “But that doesn’t stop me from pursuing the interesting ones.”

And that is how I ended up with two Georgettes in my life.

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<< Story #10 | Index of Stories| Story #12 >>

Originally published May 10, 2020